Tearin' Up My Heart

John Cena walked through the backstage of the arena in Chicago that the pay-per-view, Money In The Bank, was being held in. He had his title on his shoulder and his ring gear on. As he walked, he thought about what was going to happen later on that night.

Tonight, the main event was John Cena v. CM Punk a.k.a. Phil Brooks. A.K.A, his lover. Now, normally, that wasn't a problem. Men went up against their lovers all the time. All it would do is have a few inappropriate touched the cameras and crowd never caught, but sent electricity though the two men in the ring. After they got backstage, they would go to a private room and take of what needed to be taken care of. So that's what would happen tonight, right?

Wrong. Lately, him and Phil haven't been getting along, and it has been driving a wedge between them. What with John having the title and never being home or in the hotel room. They barely ever saw each other. John was Super Cena whether he had the Championship or not. So when you add a Championship to the mix, any Championship, it made his load heavier. The face that it was the WWE Championship? It about tripled his workload. He barely slept, he was irritable, he was sexually frustrated. But WWE was his life, and no matter how hard it was on his relationships and psyche, he wouldn't leave until his time was up.

So here he was, walking to the gorilla to watch the matches and wait for his own. He was sexually frustrated, exhausted, irritable, and angry at how he never got a moment to rest. But he knew he only had himself to blame. He wanted to be the best, to go above the norm, and he did. So it was his own damn fault. And he couldn't help but feel bad for his lover, having to deal with this. He had gotten into this relationship when John was a heel, and he wasn't Super Cena. And now, he knew it was effecting him in major ways.

Time came for his match with Phil. He took a deep breath as his music hit, put his game face on and went out.

Phil was already in the ring. He eyed his lover as he came out. he rolled his eyes as the crowd went ape shit like they always did. He loved John. A lot. More than a lot. But the Super Cena hype was just getting on his nerves. It was exhausting. And he didn't wanna deal with it. But he did. For John, he dealt with it.

But it was taking a toll. While Phil wanted the championship, he was starting to doubt if it was worth this exhausted storyline he was in. Constantly fighting. And the fact that they were fighting outside the ring too was tiring. He sighed and leaned against the ropes. he was determined to leave this match the WWE Champion.

Everybody knew he was leaving. But whether he was coming back was a different story. Hell, even his lover didn't know if Phil was coming back or not. He shook his head and focused, the bell ringing.

He lost. John Cena had lost his WWE Championship. Now, he understood that Championships come and go, but it never got easier to lose them. He rolled out of the ring, walking backstage with his head hung.

On top of the fact that he lost his Championship, his lover was leaving. His lover, who he had just lost his title to. And he didn't know if he was going to come back. He wanted him to, but he knew Phil was tired of the bullshit the WWE was dealing out. Hopefully, he wouldn't be fired on Raw and hopefully, things got better.

Usually, having a storyline against your lover was fun. But this was was exhaustive and emotionally draining. With the fighting inside and outside of the ring, it was starting to be more than he could handle. But he was Super Cena, and he would push through, putting the fans and the company before his own wants and needs, as he always had done, and as he always would do.

He walked to his dressing room, ignoring anyone who tried to talk to him. He stripped down and changed into sweats and a t-shirt before collapsing on the couch with a large sigh. He was really hating Shawn right now for being retired.

Phil smiled as he held up his championship proudly. He was leaving the WWE as their Champion. Though it was bittersweet. Because he was also leaving his lover. That thought saddened him. When he finished his poses he walked backstage and searched for John.

They may have been fighting a lot lately. bit he loved the man to death. And he hated being away from him. But maybe being away for each other would do them some good. they ere always attached at the hip, inside and out of work. Maybe they needed space.

He sighed and walked into John's dressing room. The fighting had got so bad that he started to have separate dressing rooms again. He knocked before he entered, smiling softly at John. "Hey baby..." He said as he walked in, shutting the door behind him and setting his title on the table.

John didn't look up when he heard the door open or when Phil talked to him. He sat there, slumped against the couch, staring at the floor. His mind was running with so many thoughts that his head was starting to hurt more than usual. He was exhausted and hungry and in pain. He just wanted it all to stop. He couldn't take anymore of this. If he didn't eat and hold it down as well as sleep tonight, there was no way he could work tomorrow without collapsing.

Phil sighed sadly as he looked at John. He rested his hands on his shoulders, lightly massaging them. "I'm sorry baby..." He whispered as eh kneaded the knots from John's shoulder. he felt bad John had to go through all this. Hell, Phil was feeling the effects too. He just wished everything would go back to normal.

John closed his eyes and concentrated on Phil's hands kneading his shoulders. "I love you," he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper. "So much." And he did. He was just... Tired. Emotionally, physically and mentally. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. And he didn't want his lover leaving him.

Phil sighed, kissing the back of his knock as he massaged his lover's back. "I love you too, you have no idea how much. ANd I know your tired. We both are..." He whispered, before letting out a breath. He was wondering if he had it in him to leave his lover.

"Don't go," John whispered, tears slipping out of his closed eyes. He didn't know how to make it without his lover there to comfort him. To hold him through the night. To tease him to horniness and then turn him down. He didn't know what life would be like.

"Johnny I... I can't..." Phil whispered, tear welling up in his own eyes. He sat in his lover's lap and wrapped his arms around his neck and his cheek on his head. "I'm sorry..." He whispered. "I just... I don't know what do anymore. I just know I'm exhausted. And I feel like quitting."

John look down, tears falling from his eyes. "I don't know how to be without you," he said. "I don't think I can be without you. I-" he stopped, his voice cracking, sobs wracking his body. He couldn't do this.

Phil close this eyes and wrappe this arms tighter around John, pressing closer as he sat on his lap. "You'll make it baby. You're strong." He whispered. But he knew... they had been together for so long, they forgot how to be alone. And that's what scares Phil.

John buried his face in the crook of Phil's neck and sobbed hard. Sobbed for losing his lover, for all his pain, for his exhaustion, for everything. Whatever was wrong, he was crying about.

Phil sighed, he hated to see his lover cry. He held not him, pressing close and rubbing hi back."Let's get back to the hotel, baby..." He whispered, wiping the tears from John's cheeks.

John nodded. "Okay," he said softly, wiping his tears and standing up.

Phil nodded and gathered their stuff. When they were at the hotel, Phil pulled John into bed pressing close to him. He was leaving, and it pained him.

John cuddled up to Phil, forcing himself to keep a blank mind. He couldn't think about Phil leaving. He just couldn't. It hurt far too much.

Phil closed his eyes and rested his head on John's chest. He'd miss this. Even if they weren't having sex or they fought, he missed the way they held each other at night. He'd miss it so much.

John closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep, but even with his lover in his arms, he couldn't.

Phil feel into a fitful sleep. He was dreading tomorrow, where he would have to leave.

John laid awake all night, staring at the ceiling. He didn't know how he was gonna deal with this.

The next morning, Phil woke up, not feeling at a ll refreshed. He looked at John. "Did you get any sleep?" He asked.

"No," John replied tiredly, staring at the ceiling. "Not a wink," he said.

Phil sighed. "Please, for me, try and get some sleep after I... leave..." He whispered the word 'leave'. He slowly got up. "You gonna take me to the airport?" He asked softly.

John's heart broke at the word, but he pushed it down. "Yeah," he replied, sighing softly and getting up.